In just a few weeks time the year 2012 will pass. Honestly I can't wait to usher in the year 2013. This past year brought things my way I was never expecting to face. A metaphor I used at camp this summer was that God ripped the tablecloth off my table. However, the dishes didn't stay standing. They shattered all around me. I watched them fall and struggled to pick up the pieces. With every piece I picked up I cut myself and the wound re-opened. I wish I could say that I have successfully rebuilt the table and that it was better than ever. However, I am not there yet. Figuring out God's purpose is a process. A long slow painful at times and joyful at others process. In an earlier post I talked about how I lack patience. Well, that hasn't changed either. I find myself crying out to God still asking what the purpose was of the break up... But then the answer that keeps coming back to me is just wait until you see what I have in store for you. Wow. The God of the Universe is concerned just about me and my ultimate happiness. I wish it was just that easy to cling to that. But it isn't.
I recently read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. That book has been so amazing to work through this past month. My favorite part is when it talked about why Satan targeted Eve in the Garden. See Satan was jealous of woman. Satan was used to standing in front of the mirror and having it say you are the fairest of them all (or at least that's what he thought) and now man and woman were created and God delighted in them, especially in the beauty of woman. (btw the book used the Snow White metaphor it isn't my own creation, but you can see why it stuck with me) So Satan targeted woman and her and man fell leading us all into despair. Every so often I hear the whispers of Satan, "You are alone." "You weren't good enough" "He wanted better" "It is all your fault" and at times those thoughts overwhelm me. I am brought to tears and want to just curl up and never leave the couch. But thankfully that only lasts for so long and I am reminded once again that I have a bigger purpose and that God is on my side.
Not only is God on my side but HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS NEVER GIVES UP AND NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME! I heard that song for the first time this summer after performing the mime. I was singing along and the next thing I know I have tears streaming down my face. Here I was thinking I wasn't good enough to be romanced or loved and all along God was reaching out to me and saying "Child, I love you, you are perfect and I want you in my arms I want to be around you, and I will NEVER leave you." At one point I was so overwhelmed I sat down and just cried. It was a refreshing moment and one that is so vivid in my mind today. God is so amazing. No matter how many times we fail him, which is many times daily, he still loves us. He wants to romance each and every once of us. He is our King. I believe that one day my King will find me my Prince Charming. It will be someone he has prepared for me. All of my struggles will have prepared me for that moment of finally meeting him. As I was sitting at The Story Tour concert last night the speaker said God made Eve out of the rib closest to Adam's heart. And I teared up, because I know that someday God will introduce me to the man that I am his missing rib. The part closest to his heart. And what an amazing moment that will be. Sure, I may be a romantic, but I believe God doesn't make us desire something so bad without it being a promise to someday give it to us.
I realize this has been a long post but I have had a lot on my mind lately and finally felt like I should write down my thoughts. So here it is. I know I am being real and open here but why not. Maybe my struggles will have touched someone else. Maybe someone can relate to my thoughts. Remember God loves you and HIS love will never fail you unlike other people's love that comes and goes like the ocean tide. Hold firm and trust God even when it seems like your world is caving in. He will get you through this. At least that's what I believe :)
If you want a couple good books to read on the topic of God and Waiting for Mr. Right check out
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge (The male version of this book is Wild at Heart which I plan to read soon)
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